Last night was my final night sleeping in Kolkata. This morning was my last time at Nabo Jibon. Tonight our team leaves for Darjeeling for a week long debriefing retreat. We will arrive back in Kolkata next Monday, and I will have part of the day in the city before catching my flight back to America.
I feel like there's a lot of potential for this retreat to really help me come out of this trip well. I need that pretty desperately right now. Ever since we came back from Sri Lanka I've felt like Kolkata has just been wearing me down more and more. Don't get me wrong, there have been good things, but everything seems like I go one step forward for every two steps I take back. This past week I've seen that a lot. I've been getting frustrated and angry a lot more. I've lot my patience with some of the kids at Nabo Jibon. A single interaction with a beggar left me fuming internally for two days. It wasn't that it was particularly different than other beggar interactions I've had, I just can't handle it anymore. I've closed off a lot with my team. I have to force myself a lot more to interact with them. Things that I was once passionate about I hardly care about anymore. Multiple times I've wondered to myself what the point of me coming here was, or at least the point of anything after returning to Kolkata from Sri Lanka. I think about going back home and just trying to forget that this place even exists. This isn't the way I want to be ending my stay in India. I want to get some good processing of stuff before I return. I know that I've gotten roped up in a bunch of lies and that I'm blind to the truths that I desperately need. Please, please, please be praying for me. I know God can do a lot for my heart in a week and I need it so desperately.
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