since I had no idea what I really wanted to write. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but if I didn't get it out now, I never would. Here it is:
Hello again everyone,
I'm back from my four months in India. I arrived back in America a bit over three weeks ago. This is a wrap-up letter summarizing some of my final thoughts from the trip. I wanted to write this sooner, but for a variety of reasons it has taken me a while to actually sit down and write it.
First of all, I want to thank all of you for the support you have shown me through all of this. Thank you for your prayers, your emails, and eagerness to hear about everything I have experienced over the past four months. Your loving support was a great help in sustaining me during my time overseas.
Much of my difficulty in writing this was that I wanted to have a nicely finished experience from which I'd figured everything out. I was waiting until things clicked together for me so that I would have clear and complete thoughts to write about. So far that hasn't happened. Certainly some things have become clearer as I've taken the time to reflect, but I doubt that everything will ever be entirely clear to me.
The lack of simple, clear answers was actually a huge lesson for me. I really like things that can be "solved." I like tackling a problem and being able to create a final solution so that I can move on to the next problem. The issues of poverty and injustice in the world just aren't simple enough for that. I didn't expect to erase poverty from Kolkata, but it was a shock just how complex many of the issues are. In fact, I doubt I ever saw the full depth of complexity for any problem there, but what I did see was still overwhelming. A big lesson for me was that it I couldn't do anything more than the small things. It is not in God's plan for me to singlehandedly solve the problems of the poor. Rather, God's plan is for me, and for every follower of Christ to grow in obedience. Through us God does do amazing things, but He can only work through us when we are obedient to doing the small and simple things.
Prior to going on this trip I had some experience with poverty in America and some knowledge of poverty elsewhere. My knowledge of international poverty, however, was limited to an intellectual understanding. Although I knew in my mind some of what goes on in Kolkata, it was only intellectual, which meant that I was still very distant from it emotionally. It seemed more like a fictional story than a reality. This trip certainly changed that for me. Although there was very little over there that actually surprised me intellectually, it was still a great shock to experience it firsthand. The poor, the forgotten, and the oppressed are no longer just ideas to me. They are people that I have met. I have talked to them. I have heard their stories. Now they have names and faces. I know that I have changed the ways I deal with the realities of poverty, although I cannot say exactly how.
Going into this trip, I was seriously asking God about my future and the possibility of long term missions overseas. Right now I do not know if I will ever end up overseas again. This trip showed me that I can handle the environment, but I never had a great sense that God was either opening or closing this door for me. For the time being I plan to stay in the United States. I will keep myself open to the possibility of a future overseas, and I will keep praying for discernment on what God has in store for my future.
Thank you again for all of your support.
In Christ's Love,
Philip
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