Feelings For the First 1.5 Days

This first night was really hard. I was tired from about two days worth of travel with only a little bit of sleep on the airplanes. Kolkata really overwhelmed me. The smells, the noise, and in particular, the reality of what my day to day life will be like. I finally made it to bed at about 2am, and fell asleep pretty quickly. Unfortunately I woke up again in less than an hour. It was noisy and the "bed" wasn't all that comfortable. I lay awake for a while unable to go back to sleep. I think that's when a lot of stuff started to sink in. I felt overwhelmed and unable to deal with my own living situation. I started to wonder how I could possibly make it for four months living like this. Then I thought about those I will be serving, and felt even more overwhelmed. After laying awake for maybe an hour or so, I remembered that I had packed some ear plugs (thanks Mom!). Using those I was able to get some sleep. I felt a bit better in the morning.

We spent the morning on Saturday doing a walking tour of the city. There were a lot of things I saw that I don't know how to deal with. I'll mention some of them here, but I'm sure I won't remember everything. I saw people living and sleeping just about anywhere out in crowded areas of the city. I saw a ton of beggars, many with deformed bodies. There was a naked child running around near where his mother was staying on the street. There were rickshaws (passenger carts) being pulled around by men. I saw a child with scabies being held by her mother. I found out later that the Word Made Flesh staff has given the mother medication, but that she refuses to use it because her child's illness helps her to beg. I felt really overwhelmed by all of it. Some of the men on the streets would feel the women on our team as we walked by. I felt like crying several times. At one point in the day I was riding on a bus staring out the window in disbelief. It all felt surreal, like this place couldn't really exist or at least shouldn't exist. Certainly I wish that many aspects of Kolkata didn't exist, yet they do. I'm sure that God has a lot to teach me here.

Last night we had a bit of team time. It's kind of hard since the combination of the India and Nepal teams gives us 11 people not counting the three Word Made Flesh Staff. Kristin (WMF staff member in charge of leading our team) had each of us give a number from 0 - 10. 0 was "I hate this place and I want to go home". 10 was "I absolutely am glad to be here and have no desire to be anywhere else." Scores ranged from 1 to 8. I scored myself at a 2 or 3. I'm finding it really difficult to be here, but I also know that God brought me here and this will be a really good time of growth for me.

I'm realizing very quickly how important my community will be. There is no way I could possibly manage in this place without their constant support. I honestly find it hard to believe that I've only known them since Wednesday night. We have definitely experienced more than four days worth of life together. God has certainly blessed me abundantly with them.

This morning we went to a local Church. Apparently many of the adults who live further away couldn't make it, because of an Muslim festival making it hard to get around. As a result, they were without their worship leaders and their Sunday school teachers. We sang several songs acappella, and then our team was invited to lead a song. We taught them (or more sang for them) "Father I Adore You". The pastor asked if any of our team would volunteer to teach the Sunday school classes. Four of us (myself included) led the class for the younger kids. They didn't really know English, so we had a couple teenagers translating for us. We taught them a few songs, and helped them act out the story of the good Samaritan. I was amazed at how well behaved these kids were. They all sat still to listen to us, and then did what we told them to do (through our translators of course). I don't think most college students are as well behaved as they were. Knowing the rough ages of these kids, it was pretty clear to us that they are quite small for their ages relative to American kids. I suspect this is largely the result of them not getting enough food.

Overall, after a day and a half, I'm feeling pretty good. I know things are going to be really hard, but I also know that God will be us, and that I am part of a very supportive community with compassionate leadership that understands how hard Kolkata is.