Yesterday I had a "date" (one on one check in time) with my team leader Kristin. We talked about issues of community, prayer, poverty, and probably some other stuff I don't remember right now. She told me some things that I really should have realized, but somehow in the craziness of everything I experience daily, hadn't. Work is hard to find in Kolkata, but generally possible if you're hard working... and male. I knew the gender role realities of Kolkata, but somehow it never really clicked for me. If a woman doesn't have a husband providing for her and her children (either because he's absent, or because he's an alcoholic/lazy/abusive/...), then she probably doesn't have any other options but to beg for money. Over time the deceit just becomes part of the job. She's trained for it out of necessity because it is more effective to lie.
I need to learn to look deeper into people's lives, into their hurt. They may be approaching me with very deceitful methods, but that doesn't mean their need is any less. This is a really difficult problem for me. I absolutely hate feeling lied to or deceived. It makes me bitter and hard hearted. The idea of giving in to someone's deceptions just about makes me want to vomit, yet I'm beginning to think that if I could learn to give with a loving heart, even in the face of lies and deception, God would have a much needed opening to grow my heart in love for the poor.
Please please be praying for me. I know that I don't (nor ever will) have all of the answers. I want to learn to love people in spite of how they are treating me. I want to learn to love them and love them fully, whatever that means and whatever that takes.
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